Life four letters that really can mess with you. All I know is that 'life' sucks. Im tired of mine for sure. I was wondering why I picked "Depression That Kills" as the title. And then it came to me. I picked it because it reminds me of myself. What can I say. I would think you read my about me. Im only 14. And im in a world that doesnt make sense. I mean dont get me wrong I know there is suppose to be some ups and downs. But in my life its all downs. I have 3 brothers and I take care of them while my mother works two jobs. Right now. Im in California. Trying to get away from the crazy stuff. But hard enough it doesnt happen. Im tryin my hardest to be my only person. but its pretty hard when you have everything on ur shoulders. I keep sayin to myself, "Its all gonna pass right over my head it all going to be over with." But nope. When im at home sweet home as people would call it. I cry. I cry like aways. I see my mother cry cuz of everything that has happened. But I cant stop what happens. Only God can control everything in our lifes. I have my room and I feel the sadness that i have been through in there. At that momment everything flashs before my eyes. Blood everywhere. The razor on the floor. Darkness covering everything. Tears and sadness that runs through my bood. But then I come back. Hoping someday i wont feel that anymore. But im going have my time when im happy and have a family of my own. but i Just want to stop all of it. Everything in my life come down like shit i was trying to build up. But what does anything have to do with the title. Here is my point. Life is a Bitch and it will always kill you. Depression is something everyone has to go through no matter how happy you may think you are. You know deep inside there is something there that tells you. "No point in living now!" But we just cant stop anything anymore. everything is going to go down hill from here. If one day i dont wake up from the Darkness. That means that my times is up and did what i had to do. Now thats really something to think about. Now tell me what is on ur mind. trying to write some more. but always stuck doing something.
Much Lvu.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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I happened across your page...here are some thoughts to supplement your own.
ReplyDeleteI don't know my real parents...I'm adopted, and my family is great. I never really cared to know my biological parents. But recently, for the first time, I wondered what my mother looked like...I tried to imagine her in my mind, strained to see the lines in her face...tried to imagine what she was thinking when they left me. It must've been hard...but everything works out in the end, and everything happens for a reason.
I'm only 23. I married too young. In our first year of marriage my wife tried to kill herself...blinded by depression and guilt from her family...she actually thought things would be easier for me. I came home to the scene you described...the razor...the blood. Trust me: I wouldn't wish that on anyone else...
I don't know why I'm writing this...here...but just know: your brothers need you, your mom needs you. I have already lived a lifetime...and it sounds as if you understand. But trials make us stronger, wiser, and prepares us for a life that isn't always sunny.
Find some light. Light up the darkness. Laugh a little more. Smile a little easier. Make the best of things even when they feel the worst...if you don't laugh, you'll surely cry.
"I keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring..." -Cast Away
Thanks For the Comment...
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